BEST COLD EMAIL EVER

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So as you all know I hate these unethical and misleading “Super Lawyer” or “Best Lawyer” lists. Such a joke.

All the worst lawyers I have ever known have been on these things. Like really bad lawyers. They create little pods where they vote for each other. Really gross.

And then, of course, the publishers of these CRIMINALLY inaccurate lists try to sell the lawyers they list on little ego trinkets or to publicize their “accomplishment.”

Such a joke. I  told “super lawyer” clownshow list to NEVER list me years ago and I told best lawyers the same thing REPEATEDLY. Literally received an email from them confirming they wouldn’t. But they are STILL listing me.

TERRIBLE.

But I received a pitch email from a Best Lawyers account executive today– the fact they have “Account executives” tells you EVERYTHING you need to know about these lists BTW– BUT the email was actually really clever and funny so I thought I’d share it.

TITLE: Your Royal Legal Highness: A Humble Missive from the Best Lawyers Kingdom

Dear Czar Troutman,

We regret to inform you that your reign of terror in the courtroom has been officially recognized by your peers. The 2026 Best Lawyers directory now lists you for Commercial Litigation in Orange County/LA, which we assume means other attorneys have begrudgingly admitted you’re pretty good at this whole “lawyering” thing.

We know this comes as a shock. After all, who could have predicted that someone known as “the Czar” would be recognized for excellence? It’s almost like your reputation for creative solutions, precedent-setting victories, and multi-billion-dollar case management preceded you.

The unfortunate consequences of this recognition:

  • Your already legendary status is now peer-validated
  • Opposing counsel may start sweating even more when they see your name on pleadings
  • You’ll have to update your business cards (again)
  • The “Czar” nickname now has official backing

We’re told that Best Lawyers recognition is based on peer nominations, which means other attorneys voted for you. This suggests either:

  • They genuinely respect your legal prowess, or
  • They’re hoping flattery will make you go easier on them in future cases

Either way, congratulations on adding “Best Lawyers recognized” to your already impressive list of courtroom accomplishments.

Now, about maximizing this royal decree:  Would you be available for a brief 10-minute call next week to discuss how to leverage this recognition across your practice? Even czars need good strategy.

The Humble jester at Best Lawyers

Sam

P.S. – We assume your acceptance speech will be brief, witty, and involve at least one precedent-setting legal pun. The legal world awaits.

This is a quality cold email. Maybe it was AI generated. Maybe it wasn’t. But either way I found it on point and amusing– even if I am perturbed by the suggestion I would update my business cards over something so asinine (do people do that?)

But seriously Sam– take me off your list.

Happy weekend everyone. Chat soon.

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Published by Eric "Czar" Troutman

The Czar of TCPAWorld Eric Troutman is one of the country’s prominent class action defense lawyers and is nationally recognized in Telephone Consumer Protection Act (TCPA) litigation and compliance. He has served as lead defense counsel in more than 70 national TCPA class actions and has litigated nearly a thousand individual TCPA cases in his role as national strategic litigation counsel for major banks and finance companies. He also helps industry participants build TCPA-compliant processes, policies, and systems. Eric has built a national litigation practice based upon deep experience, rigorous analysis and extraordinary responsiveness. Eric and his team feel equally at home litigating multibillion dollar telecommunications class actions in federal court as they do developing and executing national litigation strategies for institutions facing an onslaught of individual TCPA matters. They thrive in each of these roles – delivering consistently excellent results – while never losing sight of the client experience. While many firms now tout TCPA expertise, Eric has been there from the beginning. He built one of the country’s first TCPA-only defense teams and began serving as national TCPA counsel for his clients nearly a decade ago. This perspective allows him to swiftly develop the right litigation strategies for dealing with recurring problems, without wasting time on tactics that are bound to fail. Eric’s rich historical perspective and encyclopedic knowledge of the TCPA landscape also make him an invaluable resource to institutional compliance teams struggling to comply with the shifting regulatory landscape. No task is too small – or too big. Indeed, Eric and his team have helped build TCPA-compliant systems and processes for some of the largest and most complex corporate entities in the country. He commonly works with in-house compliance counsel to build and implement enterprise and business-line specific TCPA solutions, performs TCPA audits and drafts and reviews proposed TCPA policies and procedures. He and his team also have the technical expertise necessary to assist call centers seeking to develop TCPA-resistant call path architecture or to modify existing telephony and software integration to better insulate from potential TCPA exposure. Eric has built a reputation for thought leadership. An avid blogger and speaker, he has been at the forefront of the industry’s effort to push for clarity and a return to sanity for the TCPA for years. He was selected to advocate for the financial services industry on important TCPA issues before the Federal Communications Commission and co-authored the nation’s only comprehensive practice guide on TCPA defense. In his spare time, Eric leads defense teams representing banks and other financial services companies in consumer finance litigation matters. He has experience representing clients in UCC, TILA, RESPA FCRA, CCRA, CLRA, FDCPA, RFDCPA and FCCPA claims, as well as in fraud and bank operations issues.

1 Comment

  1. Did you run it through an AI detector to see how much effort the account manager actually put into the email?

    Reply

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